Why would people look at my dump of a house and think: Yes. That is a house that has things worth stealing in it. I will break into that house because it is clear that the owners of that house are Wealthy Important People with many Very Nice Things which are worth money.
Really, bored neighborhood thieves? My house is one step up from a double wide. And the only occupants of this house are a pair of Alpha Females that are NOT morning people. Do you REALLY want to fuck with us?
HELLO, TOLEDO, WELCOME TO MY HOUSE, THE MOST EXPENSIVE THING I OWN IS A $200 LAPTOP WITH A SHITTY BATTERY, ALSO I OWN A HATCHET
Yes I just used The Simple Life to express myself.
This is just who I am now apparently.
p.s. STOP BREAKING INTO MY HOUSE OH MY GOD